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The Houston Roughnecks (Photo courtesy of the Pro Football Newsroom).

Just reading about the UFL’s Houston Roughnecks playing the Birmingham Stallions conjures up horrible images of pain and suffering. The best of the USFL conference and the worst. Can we have some more even matchups, please, UFL? 

Apparently not, because the Saturday, April 27th, night game at 7 PM ET was a metaphorical blood bath. Worst of all, it happened at Rice Stadium in Houston’s territory. 

The Week 5 Blood Bath

The Birmingham Stallions (4-0) faced off with the Houston Roughnecks (1-3). Houston has been improving slowly, but not enough to make headway with the Stallions. If you couldn’t stand watching and wincing, I took one for the team and did it for you. 

Game Happenings

The Stallions wasted no time, getting a TD with their first possession.

J.J. Molson came through with a field goal during Houston’s second possession, leaving the score 6-3.

Birmingham answers back with a TD courtesy of Larry Rountree III and another unsuccessful two-point conversion. 

The very next time the Stallions had their hands on the ball, they made yet another TD, making the score 18-3.

Once again, as soon as Birmingham got the ball back, they got another TD, with Ricky Person Jr. rushing. 

After Reid Sinnett was intercepted, he “redeemed” himself with a TD. The score was sitting at 26-9.

The Stallions are finally held to just a field goal instead of a TD with their next possession. And another field goal the next time they had the ball again, with Ramiz Ahmed showing off his leg of gold.

And that’s how we got to 32-9, sans the majority of the gore.

UFL Week 6 Predictions

Birmingham Stallions vs. Michigan Panthers
The Stallions demolish every team (theufl.com/teams).

The full schedule for all 10 weeks of the UFL can be viewed here. We just finished the halfway point of the season, folks! 

This week is filled with uneven competitions that will likely end with doom and gloom once again. The most balanced game will be between the San Antonio Brahmas (4-1) and DC Defenders (2-3). That’s not a good sign, by the way. Assuming John Lovett is on the field, the Brahmas will likely get a million yards and kick cans again in Week 6.

The Houston Roughnecks (1-4) endured the horrific loss detailed here in week 5. Next week, they will play the best team in the XFL conference instead of their own. The St. Louis Battlehawks (4-1) will make minced meat out of Houston.

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Make us proud, Nacua brothers (Photo courtesy of BYU).

The Arlington Renegades (0-5) could possibly have a slim chance of taking a win against the Michigan Panthers (3-2). The Panthers have shown inconsistency that Luis Perez and his over 1000 passing yards could prey on. We’ll speak a win for Arlington into existence for the sake of the power of suggestion. 

In what feels like a nightmare being repeated, the only undefeated team, the Birmingham Stallions (5-0), will face off against the second-lowest team in their conference, the Memphis Showboats (1-4). I predict Blood Bath II. 

For a full rundown of all things UFL on The Forkball, click here. For more groovy content from me, click here.

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