Tom Brady in action during a playoff game against the New York Jets. Sunday, January 4, 2007, at Gillette Stadium in Foxborough, Massachusetts. (Photo by Al Messerschmidt/Getty Images)
Is it him, or just me?
Tom Brady was recently roasted. And from what I hear, it was pretty vicious. Well, I’m going to pick up on some stuff the roasters missed. Most of it merely annoying, but still. I even have a little preramble. Er, preamble.
In 1986 Pantene spokesperson, Kelly LeBrock implored viewers, “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.” That was easy. Her vanity made it far easier to hate her, or at least dislike her than her beauty. Brady has a whole lot of things going for him, but he’s not a particularly easy guy to dislike. Fortunately for you, I’ve given the matter some thought and made it easier for you. So, here are the top ten things that annoy me about Tom Brady.
10: He had really weird dietary and training habits.
Some of the stuff he puts into his body is just bizarre. And plus, he hit the weight room at 6:00 AM. That’s ridiculous. Actually, rather than disliking Brady for his strange training regime, it might make more sense to dislike him for the fact it seemed to have worked for him.
9: He seems to be getting better looking as he gets older, and I can’t tell for sure if he’s had any work done.
And by work done, I don’t mean rehabbing a knee. I’m not sure but his cheekbones seem to be defying gravity and traveling in a northbound direction. It also seems like his chin’s dimple is getting deeper. None of my chins have a dimple. I’d like to think Tom has had some work done, and I suspect he has, but I’m not sure.
8: He threw the Super Bowl trophy from one boat to another.
Of course, Gronk caught it. While some people were upset about it, it still stands as the longest completion of a Super Bowl Trophy. Yet another Super Bowl record for Tom Brady.
7: He’s the first fantasy football pick of every woman in fantasy football leagues.
And it doesn’t matter that he’s been retired for a couple years. It’s a real hassle if you’re the league commissioner.
6: He once forgot what down it was.
He actually thought fourth down was third down in a game against the Chicago Bears a few years ago. I really think he was just lobbying the refs for an extra down. And I’m surprised they didn’t give it to him.
5: He likes avocado ice cream.
Okay, this one is going to stick. Who likes avocado ice cream?
4: After his divorce from supermodel Gisele, he’s still rich and running around with hot babes.
Well, I guess we all grieve differently.
3: For years he hung out with shady characters.
That’s right, I’m looking at you Bill Belichick and Robert Kraft. Belichick has long been suspected of cheating. And then there’s Patriots owner, Kraft. Of course, in Brady’s defense, he did leave them to go to Tampa Bay.
2: He’s been accused of deflating footballs.
Deflategate was a big deal after the 2014 NFL season. Without going through a blow-by-blow recap of the incident, Brady has shown he can handle pressure, game or air. What he has generally deflated has been opposing defenses.
1: His midlife crisis resulted in another Super Bowl ring.
For some guys, their midlife crisis means dying their hair and buying a sports car they can’t fit into. Sure, when Brady got older, like a bunch of older guys, he moved to Florida, but he then won a Super Bowl. As for midlife crises, I’m not sure Brady will have his until his 75.
So, there you have it. Ten reasons that Tom Brady annoys me. Of course I didn’t mention the biggest one: He beat my favorite NFL team. If Brady wasn’t on your team, he made your Sundays miserable.
