September 2019 By Tyler Haughn (Illustration by Jennifer Kalis/Ohio Magazine)
There is a little town in Eastern Ohio called Walnut Creek, right smack dab in the middle of Amish Country. In the 1960’s there was raised a legend… and his name, Bob Schlabach. Bob has champion DNA in spades, it literally oozes from his pores.
What people don’t know about Bob, is that he was the “Dean Wooferpuss Wiffle Ball Home Run Champion” for nine consecutive years. There was a local milk delivery man named Dean Wooferpuss who would make “special deliveries” to all the moms in the neighborhood. Then he’d go out and play wiffle ball with all the neighborhood kids.
As the years went by Dean recognized a special glimmer in Bob’s eyes. He knew that Bob was the young boy that he could mold like Play-Doh in his hands. He could turn Bob into…. well, nothing less than greatness of course.
THE KIDS GOT TALENT
Dean would spend hours with Bob on learning how to recognize all the crazy wiffle ball pitches and with Bob’s immense power for a little kid, Bob would jack tater after tater, deep over the centerfield shrubbery 63 yards deep.
MILK, IT DOES THE BODY GOOD!
Bob credits Dean with all the free milk that Dean gave him over the years to make him big and strong. It also helped to be able to go balls deep over the shrubs in center field. To hear Bob tell the stories is truly thrilling, I can only imagine it compares to families sitting around the family radio listening as the Japanese were bombing Pearl Harbor… his stories are truly gripping.
APPLES DON’T FALL FAR FROM THE TREE
Bob’s prowess doesn’t stop with his accolades and achievements on the wiffle ball diamond, oh no! As I mentioned earlier, the champion DNA over-floweth in the Schlabach clan. Bob’s two sons are legit baseball studs in their own right. His oldest boy Isaak was drafted by the Pittsburgh Pirates and then signed with the Washington Nationals and is now recovering from an injury, but we are all hoping he makes it to AAA and maybe the Show next season. Bob’s youngest Son Jake just received a scholarship to play baseball at Frank Phillips College near Lubbock, TX.
When I tell you, Bob has an understanding of all things balls related, I kid you not. There is not a man alive who knows more trivia related to baseball. We sit in our shop for hours on end talking baseball and all things sports related. He is like an encyclopedia; he is really a baseball Savant.
Bob is a modest guy, but he isn’t afraid to correct someone when they need it. Just the other day he was telling the stories to some of our clients and the wife said, “So, you were like the Babe Ruth or Barry Bonds of the Dean Wooferpuss League?” Bob calmly said, no that would be incorrect I am more like Sadaharu Oh. The client said, “The who?” Bob just quipped, “Google him sweet cheeks, Google him”.
In a couple weeks, Bob and I will begin doing our podcast three times a week Live on YouTube and then uploading to Spotify and any other streaming service we can think of.
IF YOU BUILD IT, THEY WILL COME
Here is the point of this whole article. I want to garner enough support from our tens and tens of followers to get the town of Walnut Creek Ohio to erect a Life Size Bronze Statue of the Whiffle Ball Legend Bob Schlabach….that’s all. Nothing more.
