If the seriousness that Peyton Manning approaches coaching the AFC in the Pro Bowl doesn't make you laugh, I don't know what will (Photo courtesy of the NFL).
If you’re like me (a football fan who doesn’t take life too seriously), then you love the modern-day Pro Bowl. Maybe not love, but at least appreciate the festivities.
In case you missed out on the fun or wanted a summary of the highlights, let me break it down for you. I took notes, so I’m the expert.
Thursday Pro Bowl Activities
If you’re looking for details on the flag football game or the debut of the new tug-of-war skills competition, then you’ll need to wait for Sunday from 3pm-6pm. For information on where to watch the Sunday fun, look here.
However, the skills competitions today were quite entertaining. They included Precision Passing, High Stakes, Closest to the Pin, Best Catch, Snap Shots, and the Dodgeball Tournament.
We had Ryan Clark grilling players with post-competition interviews. At the roundish table, we had Laura Rutledge (who was hilarious), RG III (fabulous as always), a white man I assume is Dan Orlovsky based on the process of elimination, and the perpetually cranky Marcus Spears.
Spoiler alert: The NFC is ahead 12-6. Read it and weep, AFC!
Another, not so spoiler alert: if you’re wondering why there’s long pauses of sound, it’s because everyone is mic’ed up and the quarters are much smaller so we can hear everything everyone is saying. Attempts were made (and mostly successful) to blur out NSFW words. However, they can’t catch everything, so certain racial terms and swear-jar words snuck their way through.
The Pro Bowl’s Precision Passing:
The QBs kicked off the Pro Bowl weekend with throwing techniques that had us all questioning how they complete passes at all during the season. Allegedly, it was way harder than it looks, so I’ll trust the commentators on that.
The NFC came in hot with Mayfield, Geno, and Hurts. AFC reps included Tua, Stroud, and Minshew.
No one made the 10-point throw. Everyone went way right except for left-hand thrower Tua, who went way left. The moving points were incredibly hit-and-miss, along with the majority of the throws.
What made the gold balls slippery? The QBs seemed to have butter fingers.
Baker Mayfield and CJ Stroud had the highest overall points after a painful first round of throws from all six contenders.
CJ Stroud showed his competitive side and took a risk at the behest of his incredibly serious coach, Peyton Manning, which proved to be the wrong technique. Eli Manning let Baker “bake,” and the NFC took the first three points after beating CJ Stroud out.
Did I expect that? No. Did I appreciate the results? Oh ya.
High Stakes:
This is probably one of the least skilled skill competitions for me. How many times will a player need to be able to hold four balls and catch a fifth one? I digress. It’s highly entertaining. Besides, my Seattle Seahawks were prominent participants in this game, along with both Nick Bellore and Devon Witherspoon.
Unlike last year, we didn’t get that far (I think the most caught was six balls?). It was clear that the taller and wider you were, the better. For example, Sam LaPorta could stuff 57 footballs under his right arm if he needed to with those broad shoulders and long arms.
Miles Killebrew snatched this win out of the air. It was pure talent and grit; that’s best seen and not described.
3 points to the AFC, fair and square.
Which Pro Bowler Was Closest To The Pin (Also Not A Live Event)?
With the majority of NFL players seeming to develop their golfing skills post-retirement, it wasn’t entirely surprising that the majority of the golf balls ended up in the trees or the water.
The diversity of positions feels like it’s always highest in this Pro Bowl competition. Some games naturally lend themselves to certain positions, but golf is for everyone. Kind of.
The NFC took this one with Bryan Anger of the Dallas Cowboys, who did seem to have prior golf experience, but like Scott Peterson, fishing was his preference (sans the whole homicide thing for Anger, though).
Anger was able to get within 2 feet of the hole, which was about four feet closer than the next guy. I don’t remember seeing this guy the entire season, but he has talents off the field that were quite impressive.
3 points to the NFC!
Snap Shots
Thank goodness this was only a snapshot of time, because this was likely the most physically daunting task for its participants.
The game entailed bending over and the player throwing a football between their legs to the board a distance behind them that had different targets of various sizes and point values. The slippery golden balls that went through a target doubled the point value.
Snapshot was basically a bunch of older men (think Jason Kelce, who did play) trying to bend over and throw the ball through their legs. A level of agility that it seemed like a lot of them had to struggle to achieve. Actually, aiming or making a target was definitely an added bonus, not had by all. I was afraid someone was going to pull a muscle (I would have) or fall over from blood rushing to their head.
Long snapper Andrew DePaola Jr. took the win. He was good at utilizing the golden balls and seemed to have more flexibility and elasticity than everyone else combined.
3 more points for the NFC! And no injuries, thank goodness.
Best Catch (Not Live):
One of the obviously not-live skill competitions was the best catch segment. We only had two contenders this year, but they were serious about their craft.
First up was Puka Nacua, who appeared to be riding a surfboard attached to a boat. There’s probably a fancy term for that, but I don’t know it. Jimmy Clausen threw three balls to Nacua while he was speeding by. The wide receiver had to try to catch the ball, but he had the handle that connected him to the boat to hold, so he fell off each time. However, he did make a successful catch.
The same cannot be said for David Njoku. What he couldn’t catch, he made up for with ambiance. Njoku had Chad Henne throw him three balls. That is, while the tight end jumped from a high diving board, he swung from a handle secured above. He did a reverse backflip each time and attempted to catch the ball. It looked like he got it on the third go to me, but he didn’t seem to think so. It was phenomenal either way.
The Pro Bowl’s Dodgeball Competition:
Dodgeball was the biggest team collaboration skills competition on Thursday.
Note to the pro bowl people: we need more diligent refs. It seemed like people weren’t always sure when they were in and out, and the chaos seemed to reign supreme in this one. That could just be me, though.
In what felt like a fitting split, the AFC won the first round (mostly thanks to Derrick Henry—just like any success the Titans had this season). The NFC took the second round, with CeeDee Lamb showing us all how he got to the Pro Bowl in the first place. Lamb took out Sauce Gardner, Minkah Fitzpatrick, and Patrick Queen.
3 points to both teams!
Pro Bowl Ponderings
Overall, Eli Manning came out on top with the NFC, which represented the division with pride. Let’s keep that winning streak going, gentlemen!
On Sunday, the annual flag football game is the long-anticipated event. Don’t forget the skills competitions, though, either. They’re intense!
With Kick-Tac-Toe, Move the Chains, the Gridiron Gauntlet, the Madden NFL Head-to-Head, and the new competition, Tug-of-War, you don’t want to miss a single one!
Make sure to catch all the pro bowl deets by keeping up with my page here.
