Nico Skywalker (Illustration by IW Moon/The Forkball)
Recently, rumors have been swirling involving the fencing off of one of the Chicago Cubs‘ premier talents, their coveted Second Baseman Nico Hoerner. Though he’s known around these parts as Nico Skywalker. If there is any truth to the trade rumor, it ultimately boils down to long term strategic mismanagement by way of the powers that be.
Hoerner played Second Base in high school and his first year at Stanford before they switched him over to Shortstop where he seemed a more natural fit. He was drafted in the first round by the Cubs as a Shortstop. He earned his way up through the minors and left smoke trails as he blazed his way through.
Nico’s highly versatile and his value goes beyond his ability. To go along with that, he’s consistent, loyal and one of the hardest workers on the team. He’s also quick-witted and quick footed. His baserunning ability is off the charts for someone who’s fast but lacks blazing speed.
Nico’s the standup centerpiece on both sides of the ball
Hoerner’s an ideal small ball player, which is the perfect thing to be when the wind blows in at Wrigley. Or anytime, really. He’s a contact hitter and even displays some power here and there. Best yet, defensively he’s a jedi master who could potentially win a Gold Glove at two different positions. Depending on the competition he’s more or less assured to rack up more of them in his career, wherever they put him. He’s smack dab in the middle of his prime. Nico’s the standup centerpiece of the organization on both sides of the ball.
You simply don’t trade a guy like that. If you do that you’ve certainly failed as an organization. They’re approaching this from an entirely skewed angle. His long-term value far outweighs his very reasonable contract. His price tag isn’t even that high. Consider inflation. $11-12 million is a steal for a guy who is literally irreplaceable.
Not to mention, he looks like Luke Skywalker.
The Cubs have already messed up their talented pipeline. Beyond that, they’re so wrapped up in their dysfunction they may actually think trading him is their best band-aid. That’s most certainly why they believe they have to trade Hoerner to improve. He’s the only player with any value they can use as a bargaining chip that didn’t stick them with a no-trade clause because a weaselly Bounty Hunter… er… agent wants a third summer home.
Hoerner aside, allowing so many other players to get them to sign a no-trade clause steers me to think the that the organization doesn’t know how to bargain at all. They’re constantly getting the short end of the stick. This usually happens on account of multiple teams being interested in a particular player, so the bidding team is forced to sweeten the deal with more than money. In other words, it’s a classic overpayment. A wicked cackling always reverberates as the haggler leaves the proverbial table. Clearly, they’re using the dark side of the Force in these negotiations.
They already had what should have been a playoff roster
In addition, they’ve already improved from 2024. Plus, many of the Cubs (not Nico) underperformed in 2024. They already had what should have been a playoff roster. And if they want to trade someone, trade the unproven guys trying to push him out. There’s great value there. Stop signing contracts with no-trade clauses and forcing the system-developed players to leave because you overpaid for someone else. And again, the team’s already better with no need to consider trading the greatest second baseman the Cubs’ fans have been privileged to witness since Ryne Sandberg.
The roster currently has at least three Gold Gloves to embark on their 2025 defensive journey. They’re stacked in the middle with Hoerner at Second, another no-trade clause with Dansby Swanson at Shortstop, and Ian Happ in Left Field, who’s just won his third Gold Glove. Belli’s not so bad at Centerfield, either. Despite his ridiculous contract. It’s imperative to have good defense in the middle.
The Milwaukee Brewers Second Basemen Brice Turang stole the Gold Glove show this season with 22 Defensive Runs Saved. Which was more than any other NL player, not just at Second Base. He also had a 4.7 WAR. He’s the first Brewer’s Second Basemen to ever win the award. With the aura of Turang’s rising star, there’s some fierce competition in the NL brewing up at Second Base.
Hoerner came into the league as a Shortstop, but his versatility allowed him to move over and not only play Second Base, but rather he completely locked down the position. That’s where he won his Gold Glove.
In addition to being a defensive wunderkind, he’s a well above average contact hitter who’s still capable of knocking them out of the park. He’s also articulate, well-liked, and a fine example to everyone on the team. Did I mention he sells jerseys too?
For him it’s like using the wrong lightsaber
He can hit home runs, but he can look somewhat silly trying to do it. Particularly when he whiffs. I suppose everyone does. But for him it’s like using the wrong lightsaber. Even so, he hit seven home runs and stole 31 bags in 2024. The season prior he knocked out nine homers and grabbed 43 bases but also had nearly 40 more games. When the wind blows in at Wrigley, which it often does, the need for small ball players like Nico increases dramatically.
Is this what the Cubs have become? The evil empire? The Death Star? Draft a highly touted pick, develop him, and as he does everything right, he still gets sold to the highest bidder because he didn’t wrestle up an agent willing to stoop down into no-trade clause territory?
There are supposedly preliminary trade talks with the Seattle Mariners regarding Hoerner. It’s a horrible decision to move your all-important centerpiece. A quick reminder. He’s not just an infielder, he’s the future. A potential Hall of Famer in the making.
Here’s a wild and crazy idea. Instead of trading the proven great Second Basemen in his prime, maybe trade the unproven yet highly ranked guys who are stuck behind him in the pipeline.
From an alternate perspective, Nico would improve any roster he went to. Even the Yankees. If the Mariners were so lucky to land this trade it could be exactly they need. Julio Rodriguez and Nico would be a disastrous duo for the rest of the AL West. It would be a set ’em up, knock ’em down type of thing.
Despite the fact that Hoerner is literally the chosen one, he’s teetering on the brink of being just another cog in the great dysfunctional mistake machine that is the Chicago Cubs. If it comes to fruition, they’re well on their way to becoming the evil empire. So much for the friendly confines.
Trading Hoerner will result in taking a step backward. Maybe they should consider shipping Darth Hoyer off instead.
May the Forks be with you.
